In the Waiting Season

I finished my semester at the Center for Global Action and moved home four weeks ago. Seven weeks from today I will be beginning training with Bella Goose in Wisconsin.

This season of in-between and waiting has been a difficult one for me.

These few months were meant to be a time for me to work on raising the support I need to live and work in the Philippines.

Let’s just say this process hasn’t been going how I expected it to go.

It has been slow and I feel a little bit like my family’s dog, Buzz, trying to run on the tile floor. It seems as though he runs in place for thirty seconds until his little paws can get the traction and momentum going to make forward movement. I feel as though I’ve been running in place, desperately trying to gain traction and movement. I hit a point probably five times a week, where I feel ready to throw in the towel and I lay on the floor, frustrated and discouraged, for five minutes while I attempt to recollect the energy and motivation to keep working.

I don’t tell you this so you will feel bad for me or to guilt you into supporting me. (And for those of you who are supporting me, know that I am truly grateful!) Neither are my goal, but I just want to be honest with where I’m at currently. And this is the ugly truth of it.

But through it Jesus is teaching me about hope and surrender and trust and waiting.

I’ve realized that I came into this season with an expectation of what raising support would look like. It’s not that I thought it would be easy, but I thought it would be easier than this.

But the thing is I know the truth. This is where the Father is leading me, and He will provide. I know that He sees me at the 100% funded mark and He knows the steps it will take to get there and He knows exactly who will be supporting me.

He has provided for me time and time again. In support raising and just in life. He’s provided jobs, finances for the World Race and CGA, friends and community, a place to live, and little refreshing and good-for-the-soul moments like getting to enjoy pho and bubble tea with friends who love Asia as much as I do. He’s always provided for me in every way. So why have I felt so discouraged, frustrated, and, honestly, disappointed?

Because it looks differently than what I expected. It looks differently than what I planned.

So I have to daily surrender my plan, my expectations, and my disappointment. And I have to choose to embrace what the Father has planned for me and the process He has for me to walk through.

And so I’m in this place of acknowledging His promises and waiting for the fruition of those promises. I’m realizing waiting isn’t my strong suit. But I want to wait expectantly on the Lord. Not with expectations of how He will fulfill His promises, but with the expectation that He will fulfill His promises.

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness…be still before the Lord and wait patiently [expectantly] for Him.” Psalm 37: 3,7

I came across this passage and the phrase “dwell in the land” jumped off the page at me. My Bible had a footnote after the phrase that led me to Leviticus 26:5-6. It says,

“Your threshing shall last to the time of the grape harvest, and the grape harvest shall last to the time of the sowing. And you shall eat your bread to the full and dwell in your land securely. I will give you peace in the land, and you shall lie down, and none shall make you afraid.”

In every season, you will have exactly what you will need. There is a sense of rest and peace I get when I read this, in knowing and trusting in the goodness of His promises.

So I will dwell in this land of in-between, and promises-to-be-fulfilled and I will hope in the goodness of the Lord, and wait patiently and expectantly on Him.

Whatever season you find yourself in, recognize the promises that He has for you and the hope you have in His faithfulness to fulfill those promises.